Ever been in a long distance relationship? I have and I’m an introvert. I’ll lay out the pros and cons of long-distance relationships for introverts.
If you’re reading this, you may be considering a long-distance relationship so this should help you make a decision. Even if you’re not considering a long-distance relationship (LDR), I’m sure there’s a friend in this type of relationship you could be helpful to after reading this.
Let’s start with defining a long-distance relationship.
What Makes A Relationship Long-Distance?
Sometimes people hear long-distance relationship and think it means two people in different countries or something. It doesn’t have to be a great distance to be considered a long-distance relationship.
For instance, any amount of distance that keeps you from being able to regularly see each other is long-distance in my opinion. That could be living in separate countries or an hour away from each other. It’s all about how that distance impacts your relationship and your time together.
Granted some distances will be easier to accommodate than others but the effects remain the same.
You might be wondering why people even bother with long-distance relationships. Well, they get started in different ways.
Sometimes people have already been together for a while and care deeply about each other but, life changes cause them to move apart.
Sometimes people meet and think a person is so great that attempting a relationship across long-distance is worth a try.
And, unfortunately, sometimes people are just lonely and the person they happen to meet isn’t geographically close to them. Either way, when it comes to LDRs, introverts have a unique set of challenges and advantages.
Unique Challenges And Advantages For Introverts In LDRs
Challenges
There’s a list of challenges that can emerge when you put an introvert in a long-distance relationship. However, I’m just going to focus on two of the most prominent ones.
Communication
First is the biggie… communication. Being in an LDR requires really good communication and a whole lot more talking than with someone who’s geographically closer to you. This is a challenge for introverts because we are quiet types.
We like having quiet time and we don’t talk a lot when we don’t have a lot to say. We also do not enjoy talking on the phone for the same reasons.
So obviously a relationship that requires even more communication and talking than a typical one is going to be a challenge from the start for introverts.
It requires us to step outside of our comfort zone even more than we normally would in a relationship to stay connected to the person that we’re physically distant from.

Inner Thoughts
The next one is the battle of our inner thoughts. Introverts naturally tend to overanalyze things and this can be good or bad in a long-distance relationship. LDRs require a high level of trust and grace.
For example, if your partner says something that rubs you the wrong way, it’s best to address it by letting them know how you feel right up front.
Conversely, my quiet friends tend to take things like this and stew on them for a while which only heightens our sensitivity to them. So when we do get around to talking about them we’ve already been bothered by it for a while.
Another challenge presented by folks who live in their head most of the time is the gift of focus that comes with the curse of distraction. Let me explain.
One of our introvert superpowers is being able to focus on a thought or task deeply and to its completion. However, this can lead us to be distracted from the world and the people around us. Do you see where I’m going with this?
As I mentioned before, LDRs require more effort and more energy. So when we go into our “introvert rabbit holes” about something it leaves the other person feeling left out or wondering where we are.
I’ll give you an example. My husband and I are not in a long-distance relationship; however, sometimes I’ll start down a rabbit hole in my head and he’ll notice that I’ve been a little bit distracted.
Like a good husband, he’ll ask me where my head is right now. He is sometimes truly amazed by the thought path that I have to share with him.
It could be anything from deep contemplation about life or something as seemingly silly as how marbles are made. And it all could start with something I saw that led me to think about something else which led me to something else which led me to this. Dizzy yet!?
Suffice it to say introverts can get stuck in their head and be distracted by their thoughts. That often doesn’t leave a lot of room for people around them, much less people who aren’t around them.
Advantages
Those were the challenges but don’t forget I said there were advantages as well. Here are a couple of those.
Alone time
Alone time, alone time, alone time. Introverts love and need our alone time. When you’re in an LDR you get a lot of it. Extroverts will find this problematic because they’re energized by being around people.
So, they would certainly expect to get some of that energy from the person they’re closest to, i.e. their partner.
On the other hand, introverts welcome the opportunity to have time to ourselves. It doesn’t mean we don’t miss our partner and want to spend time with them. We just need an equal balance of both. So as far as being able to handle distance, this is certainly an advantage for us.
Loyalty
The other advantage is loyalty. Introverts are selective about who they allow into their bubble. So if you’re in a long-distance relationship with an introvert it means they feel they can trust you. And in turn, they will give you their trust.
This creates a sense of loyalty which helps them to honor an exclusive relationship even when you’re not always with each other. However, that loyalty needs to be met on the other side as well. Otherwise, you risk losing it all together from your quiet partner.
Now that we’ve discussed a couple of the uniquely introverted challenges and advantages of LDRs, here are a few more general pros and cons of long-distance relationships.
Cons of LDRs
Here are 5 downsides to being in a long-distance relationship. Some of them you may have expected but there may be a couple that surprise you.
Loneliness
Contrary to popular belief, introverts don’t hate people. Although we love our alone time we still need engagement with other people.
This is especially true if it’s someone that we’re in a relationship with. The feelings of loneliness will start to creep in when you don’t have much time at all together.
We want that closeness to this person and we want to be around them. So although we fare better than most at being alone, we can still get lonely. And that tends to happen a lot more when you’re in a long-distance relationship. So managing loneliness is certainly a con of being in an LDR.
Physical Intimacy
Lack of physical intimacy on a regular basis is a con of long-distance relationships. I’m not just talking about sex! I just wanted to go ahead and put that out there because that’s usually the first thing people think of when you say physical intimacy.
However, physical intimacy goes beyond that. It means having someone to hug you or hold your hand when you want. It includes having physical closeness with someone whom you are emotionally close to. It’s an outlet to express your feelings for them that’s often missing in an LDR.
Not being able to have this is a con of a long-distance relationship. You may have all the feelings but no outlet to show that person physically. At least not when you want to.
Financial investment
Guess what, LDRs come with a financial investment. Especially depending on how far you and your partner are from each other. Being able to visit each other is not going to be cheap.
It’s a little bit easier if you’re within driving distance. But it’s going to start to add up over time if you have to hop on a plane every time you want to see your boo.
Then there’s all the other little things like sending gifts on special occasions such as birthdays or Valentine’s Day if you can’t be together. Additionally, subscription services may cost money as well such as Skype or Zoom.
Trust
I briefly touched on the trust factor earlier but it’s a huge thing for LDRs. Trust issues can tank romantic relationships fast! If you can’t trust a person you’re in a long-distance relationship with, it’s crazy-making. Your relationship will become more stressful than it’s worth.
So you have to be extra careful not to call that trust into question on either side of the relationship. This means a lot of communication and a lot of transparency. Not everyone can handle that so it’s something to consider.
Stress
And about that stress … Relationships can be stressful on their own but adding physical distance only amplifies that stress. Arguments become 10x worse because you can’t access that person.
And it can be harder to reconnect after an argument when you’re not physically together – body language says a lot about what someone is thinking or feeling.
Not to mention stress accompanies the other factors as well, like finances, trust, and loneliness. This is one of the disadvantages of long-distance relationships that, unfortunately, your partner wouldn’t be able to help you with as much. But don’t discount the impact relationship stress can have on your mental health.
You’ll need to find ways to manage your own stress because they’ll be busy trying to manage theirs. Yes, you can work together but ultimately when you’re in an LDR you have to be good on your own so that you can continue to invest in the relationship.
If you‘re at the beginning of an LDR, or wondering if you should start one with someone you’ve met, here’s a few things to consider.
How to Know if You Can Handle the Cons of an LDR
These cons give a lot to consider when embarking on a long-distance relationship. Here’s a way to simplify your thoughts about it with a few questions. Ask yourself these questions if you’re wondering if you can handle the tough parts of an LDR.
- Are you good on your own or do you require a lot of attention?
- Are you “touchy-feely”?
- Can your bank account handle keeping up with visits?
- Are you often distrustful or have you been hurt before?
- Are you good at managing stress?
These questions will help you decide what you would need in a long-distance relationship. If it seems like you would need a lot more than what a long-distance relationship can provide, you may want to reconsider your options.
That can be a tough thought process, especially if it’s someone you’ve come to care for. But it is certainly worth consideration and probably a conversation with your partner. Especially if you want this relationship to be long-term.
Whoa! That was depressing! Let’s get to some pros of LDRs.
Pros of LDRs
Here are 5 of the upsides of being in a long-distance relationship.
1. Strong Communication Skills
One of the pros of being in a long-distance relationship is you build strong communication skills. You kind of have to. You have to be very good at expressing what you think and how you feel. And regularly practice listening to understand versus just wanting to be heard.
These are the hallmarks of effective communication. Especially when you have physical separation from each other, you don’t have the same body language cues that others do. You have to be good at talking through your feelings.
Additionally, LDRs make you more considerate because you must be thoughtful and intentional about communicating — when, how, and where. All these things come into play when staying in touch with your love.
I’m living this out now as I’m finishing this on the west coast of the US and my hubby is on the east coast. Being in different time zones means we have to plan our convos and consider what we each might be doing at that part of the day.
2. Deeper Love and Connection
As hard as a long-distance relationship may be, it allows you to build a deep love and strong emotional connection — more so than a conventional relationship would. Or at a faster pace at least.
This is mostly because of the energy and attention you have to give to your partner to make them feel connected to you and vice versa.
The other advantage is talking a lot allows you to get to know them on a deeper level. A lot of close relationships rely on physicality more than they realize.
So when you’re forced to talk and talk a lot, you really get to know someone. This type of emotional intimacy creates a bond that will last for a long time.
3. Personal Growth and Development
Long-distance relationships give you space for personal growth and development in ways you’d be surprised. Some examples include conflict resolution and problem-solving. These are tools you have to use regularly when you’re in an LDR.
Additionally, since you’re unable to be with your partner all the time it gives you space to grow in other areas such as your career or your education.
A good partner will support this growth because it’s better for you and your relationship in the long run when you both have personal goals you find fulfilling even though you’re apart.
4. Emotional Intelligence
Another benefit of being in a long-distance relationship is strengthening your emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is simply being able to understand your own emotions and how others are feeling.
When you’re dating someone over a long distance, it can be hard to read their emotions sometimes. Especially when they’re trying not to show them as people do sometimes when they’re upset.
Knowing your partner and deciphering how they’re feeling is a skill that will grow stronger and stronger. It’s a skill that carries over to other relationships as well such as friends and family.
Additionally, emotional intelligence is absolutely a strength you can use in many other areas of your life.
The reason this is a strength of LDRs is because, again, you have fewer physical cues to rely on so you must be adept at learning how your partner shows what they’re feeling.
5. Fun and Excitement
This is the part most people don’t talk about when it comes to a long-distance relationship. Fun and excitement are absolutely a large benefit of dating long-distance. Although you don’t get to be with each other often, when you are with each other it makes it more impactful.
It gives importance to having experiences and adventures together. Even planning your trips together and visiting each other are fun with the added anticipation of being together once again.
Planning your visits and other excursions is also a great way to add romance to your relationship. Just think about it … when you’re visiting your partner, you’re essentially going on a bunch of first dates. It reduces the complacency many close-distance couples have when preparing for a date.
And don’t forget, you don’t have to always go to each other’s place of residence. You can meet up in different places for a romantic getaway. Spice it up with new places you’ve both wanted to travel to or take a mini vacation. The “where” is less important than the quality time you spend together.
Especially when you don’t have a lot of time, make the time you have count by really connecting through shared experiences. Just don’t forget to leave room for everyday life kind of stuff, that’s important too.
So there are the pros and cons of long-distance relationships for introverts. But if you’re thinking, Tiffany, I’ve already got someone I’m smitten with, here are three things to consider before jumping into an LDR.
3 Things to Consider Before an LDR
- Commitment level and future plans.
Consider your level of commitment to this person. If you’ve been with each other for a while and you both already have the feels for each other, then an LDR may be worth considering. Especially if you find the relationship valuable or you can see the big M word in your future.
Conversely, if it’s someone you just met yesterday, maybe think twice about it. Starting a brand new relationship is tricky enough, much less doing it over a long distance. - Compatibility. Ask yourself how compatible you are with this person. Do you compliment and balance each other’s personalities? If so, it could work long-distance.
However, if you are the exact same person with the exact same needs, it could get challenging to meet each other’s needs while making sure your own needs are met as well. Especially with the added effort it takes when your relationship is long-distance. - Your relationship needs. Speaking of your own needs, what are they? Do you know yourself well enough to know what you need out of a relationship? And are you able to clearly communicate that to someone?
If not, then long-distance may not be the place to start as you learn those things about yourself. It will only add frustration to a relationship that inherently has its own amount of stress already.
Introvert Petal
We introverts sometimes ignore our own needs or are quieter about them. An LDR is no place for that. And don’t fall into the misnomer that you can handle an LDR because you have no social needs. Just because we don’t need much social time doesn’t mean we don’t need any at all, especially from a partner.
3 Tips for Making an LDR Work From Experience
1. Know your next visit and do so as much as possible.
Whenever you visit each other, you shouldn’t leave without having the next visit already planned. Or, even better, go ahead and plan out several visits in advance.
Having regular visits and knowing when you’ll see each other next creates positive anticipation and excitement. Not knowing the next time you’ll see each other makes the distance feel bigger and the time in between visits harder.
2. When in doubt, talk it out.
Be willing to share your feelings and concerns openly and without hesitation. Holding things in does not help a partner who can’t see you enough to know something is wrong.
Take a collaborative approach to finding solutions to issues together. Making it a “we” problem versus a “you” problem creates support and trust for each other, rather than blame and resentment.
3. Find ways to let them know they are a priority.
This is a biggie, especially for introverts! It’s often hard to know what we’re thinking since we keep most things in our heads. Find ways to let your partner know they’re in there too. 😊 Even small things go a long way toward helping people who are far apart feel connected.
Here are a few ideas:
Send little gifts and messages.
Gifts may take a little planning but it takes seconds to send a text message. Try sending it at random times of the day to let them know they’re on your mind.
Remember the important things happening in their life. Birthdays and special milestones go without saying. But what is most impactful is remembering the seemingly mundane things.
Wish them luck before a big presentation at work, or ask how that tough conversation they had with a friend went. Even the smallest of things that close couples would overlook can make a difference for long-distance couples.
Such as remembering it’s their pickup day, and reminding them to put the trash out. It may seem silly but it helps to make you both feel a part of each other’s lives in a tangible way that close couples don’t have to think about it.
Make the most of virtual time together.
LDRs are much easier now than they once were with so much tech support available. In addition to phone calls, there are all kinds of tools such as video chat, text messages, and social media among others, all available right in your pocket.
You can hop on Zoom or FaceTime and be face-to-face for video calls in a second.
Use this to your advantage. Have some virtual dates! Get creative with it and do some fun things such as cooking challenges or playing games together.
Closing Thoughts
Introverts can absolutely be in long-distance relationships. Just don’t go into it blindly. Use this to consider your needs and your partner’s needs so you know what you’re getting into. Remember, to be open and honest, and try to have fun!
Common Questions
What are the cons of long-distance relationships?
Cons of long-distance relationships include loneliness, limited physical intimacy, financial investment, trust, and stress. All of these can be balanced by the pros of long-distance relationships and with an intentional effort to address them.
Are long-distance relationships worth it?
Long-distance relationships can be very rewarding, especially if it’s someone you care about and are compatible with. Although introverts have unique advantages when it comes to long-distance relationships, it takes effort and commitment on both parts to make it successful.
Can a long-distance relationship work?
Long-distance relationships can work by knowing yourself, using good communication skills, and employing a few creative ideas to stay connected. Additionally, introverts need to be especially careful they don’t ignore or fail to communicate their own needs. Open and honest communication is the key to making a long-distance relationship work.
Do long-distance relationships last?
I’ve seen long-distance relationships last a long time and I’ve seen some crash and burn pretty quickly. The ones that last focus on problem solving together, and being open and honest about their needs and feelings.
Additionally, most long-distance relationships need to have an end goal. If this is going to be your person, you can’t stay long-distance forever. So planning for your future together is going to be critical to a lasting relationship.