I’m an introvert through and through, but I don’t consider myself to be an extreme introvert. However, I can relate because I have close relationships with a few of them. I’ve seen firsthand how their personality plays out.
What Is An Extreme Introvert?
An extreme introvert is someone who exhibits the typical personality traits of an introvert but more intensely or frequently. Some people like to call them hardcore introverts or intense introverts.
They are the very, very quiet types of the world. They prioritize solitude over social interactions, writing over talking, close friends over large groups, and they embrace their inner thoughts over social activities.
Extreme introverts are some of the most genuine and loyal people you’ll ever meet; however, they also need to be mindful of their tendency to self-isolate.
I know extreme introverts love their inner world, but too much quiet time away from people can affect their mental health if they’re not careful. This is true of everyone, but extreme introverts are at increased risk of isolation due to their higher need for alone time.
Lastly, extremely introverted people more easily experience sensory overload. Most typical introverts prefer a quiet space to a very loud one. I, myself, can only handle the noise from an excited crowd or loud music and other such things in small doses.
Extreme introverts are even more sensitive to this and will avoid these things altogether.
Extreme Introversion for Black Women
Black people generally tend to be very social and relational with one another. As a BWI (black woman introvert) who much prefers less talking and minimal socializing, it can get challenging navigating those culturally social waters.
The most important thing to keep in mind is to be confident in who you are and what you need. Know your limits and plan accordingly. And when you feel out of place, remember we need all types to make a strong community.
Signs You Are An Extreme Introvert
1. You enjoy solitude … like really enjoy it.
There’s nothing an extreme introvert looks forward to more than alone time, especially after being around people all day. Their social energy tank is a lot smaller than most, and they’re usually very aware of it.
It’s not uncommon for extreme introverts to refuse a last-minute invitation. This can produce social anxiety for many of them.
Extreme introverts need a good amount of time to prepare themselves for socializing and to make sure they’re well-rested beforehand. This is especially true for attending social settings with a lot of people.
2. You feel socially awkward all the time.
Given their solitary nature, they’re not often the best at shallow socializing. Small talk and casual conversation are not their best skills. Nor are they interested in those things.
Their strength lies in deep, one-on-one conversations about topics that interest them.
However, in highly social situations, they often struggle to figure out what to say or how to jump into a conversation.
3. You have a very low threshold for an introvert hangover.
Extreme introverts have to be mindful of their social energy since it’s in short supply. They can easily suffer the effects of an introvert hangover if they don’t consider their energy balance.
The best thing my extra quiet wallflowers can do is get ahead of peak socializing times. Great examples of these are fall, holidays, and other special events.
A good thing to do is make a plan for which social events you need to attend and which events you really want to attend. Then pace yourself and build in enough time for rest.
4. Your close friends and family wish you would call more.
Extreme introverts DO NOT like talking on the phone. They will avoid phone calls if at all possible. They much prefer to communicate in writing – text and email.
Similarly, each time they receive a call, whether they answer or not is a big decision. Many times, they will ignore the call and follow up with a text.
It’s not that they don’t appreciate people reaching out; this is just not their preferred method of communication.
5. You avoid small talk like you’re allergic to it.
Small talk is an elusive skill for extreme introverts. Their brains just don’t work that way.
They enjoy deep and meaningful conversations, especially about topics that interest them. However, small talk often seems pointless, boring, and a waste of finite social energy.
Please don’t misunderstand this to mean that extreme introverts are rude. They will absolutely say hello with a half smile, nod, or wave like most people. Just don’t expect them to hang around and chit-chat with someone they don’t know.
How Black Extreme Introverts Show Up In Life
Being a BWI is not easy. We have to navigate hypersocial settings all the time, and this is especially true of extreme introverts. Here are three life settings where this comes into play for an extreme introvert.
1. Extreme Introvert at Work
Extreme introverts add a lot of value to projects at work because they are thorough and focused workers. However, they are usually not the first to speak up in a meeting, and they prefer to share their ideas in writing.
They typically don’t mind collaborating with others, but will do so by engaging up front so they have a clear understanding of their portion of the work. They can then go back to their quiet place and execute their tasks on their own.
2. Extreme Introvert and Dating
Dating can be very hard for extreme introverts because it requires a lot of social energy. Dating involves constantly meeting new people and enduring small talk, which are not their favorite things to do.
An extreme introvert is the date who would much prefer to hear about your life goals, secret passions, and five-year plan on a first date. This is much more interesting to them than talking about all the rain we’ve been having and how many siblings you have.
And if you do talk about siblings, they’d listen only to learn more about how having them or not has impacted your personality. 🤔
3. Extreme Introvert Friends and Family
Extreme introverts hold family members in high regard and maintain a small but loyal group of friends. Although they probably won’t call any of them unless reminded to.
Extreme introverts value personal relationships, but due to limited social energy, they keep their inner circle small. If you are in a close relationship with an extreme introvert, know that you are in a very selective group.
Lessons From the Life of an Extreme Introvert
There are many things we can learn from the extreme introvert personality. There are valuable lessons from their personality that everyone can apply if they take a moment to look beyond their own perspective.
Here are a few pearls of wisdom that might give you a little bit of the introvert advantage.
1. Appreciate the quieter side of life.
Introverted people are accustomed to lengthy periods of limited human interaction. But extroverted people, even introverted extroverts, can only handle going for so long without any social contact.
Furthermore, some people find solitary activities boring, and some are even afraid of them. But spending time separate from the noise and distractions of life can be stress-relieving and restful; it also frees your mind to focus on other creative ideas and pursuits.
2. Let people talk. You can learn a lot.
One thing extreme introverts will never be accused of is talking too much. Conversely, there are lots of people who love to talk and don’t mind leading a conversation. People like this make it easy to get to know them because they’re usually an open book, as they say.
Although they don’t talk that much, extreme introverts are excellent listeners and very observant. They can often pick up things about a person’s personality without them saying it directly.
So, if you want to get to know someone, take a page out of the extreme introvert book. Let them talk away while you listen. You’d be surprised what people inadvertently show you about themselves.
3. Do what works for you, no matter what people think.
Another thing an extreme introvert is good at is knowing when they are done. Done socializing, done talking, done being away from their comfort zone, just done.
Since these very quiet types are acutely aware of this, they act accordingly. This usually means they leave. 😂 Leave the location, leave the conversation, leave whatever situation has now begun to drain them or make them uncomfortable.
They aren’t afraid to do what’s best for them, and you shouldn’t be either. I’m not saying be rude or unkind about it, but don’t be afraid to take care of your own needs.
Closing Thoughts
Extreme introverts get a bad rap for being rude, weird, or uninterested in people because of their quiet demeanor. On the contrary, they are simply people who are acutely aware of their needs and preferences. They cultivate their life around these, which is no different than anyone else.
Their preferences are just different from what popular culture says they should be. Who does this matter to? Not extreme introverts! 😂
If you are an extreme introvert, live your life proudly, challenge yourself to be a little uncomfortable sometimes, and don’t compromise your needs.
Your beautiful personality is needed just as much as any other. After all, everyone should have at least one extreme introvert in their life.
