One person’s weird is another person’s normal. Such is the case with the INTJ stare. The infamous INTJ stare is just a normal part of life for INTJ introverts. It’s part of how they process information.
Because it’s so normal, I decided to write this article from the perspective of an INTJ based on my knowledge and many conversations with INTJ introverts.
Let’s start with the obvious …
What Are INTJs?
INTJ is an introvert personality type based on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). We are in-depth, systematic thinkers who love planning and learning. We also tend to live very private lives.
Another fun fact: we also find discussing, expressing, and even reacting to very emotional situations to be uncomfortable. As with the rest of our introvert clan, we process way more on the inside than we will ever show to the outside world.
This underlying truth is what often leads to our infamous INTJ stare. 👀
What Is The INTJ Stare?
The INTJ stare is a fixed, intense gaze often seen on the face of INTJ introverts. It’s so intense that it often seems like we are in a trance.
What does an INTJ stare look like? The stare usually comes as a neutral face or resting face. However, on occasion, it can be accompanied by a facial expression that fits what we’re thinking about – funny, serious, angry, etc.
Sound weird? A little, I guess. Especially when that stare is pointed at a person, but let me explain.
Why Does An INTJ Stare Happen?
The INTJ stare doesn’t just come out of nowhere, although I can see how it may seem that way. It’s like a duck – still and calm on the surface but a flurry of activity under the water – mental activity, of course.
Because I’m a deep thinker, it’s hard for things outside my own head to hold my full attention for too long. However, I’m likely thinking of many things in my head, which leads to the intense glare.
Let me also take a moment to clear up a few things the INTJ stare IS NOT. It is not the same as avoidant personality disorder, nor does it represent a person who is void of emotion or intelligence. These are things I’ve heard that are untrue and sometimes hurtful.
INTJs are people with deep thoughts and intense focus. That does not qualify them for a mental health disorder.
Now that I’ve cleared that up, here are a few reasons why INTJs stare.
The INTJ stare is rarely done in a vacuum. There is usually some reason behind it, although that reason may not always make sense to less introverted people.
One thing to note is that what initiates the stare often leads down a thought path of many other things. Hence why INTJs can sometimes stare for several minutes without even realizing it. Sometimes the stare is about observing people, which we often do. Other times, it doesn’t have anything to do with a person at all.
Here are a few things that might kick off such a thought path.
Why an INTJ Starts Staring
- You did something interesting.
Sometimes, I might be staring at you simply because something you did piqued my interest. It could be a dance move, a funny gesture, or just the way your face moves when you speak.
I don’t mean this in the sense of romantic or sexual attraction, necessarily. Just something that made me go “huh, look at how they’re doing that, I wonder why.” So, the next time you find yourself catching an INTJ’s attention, remind yourself that it might be a form of flattery.
- You did something that didn’t make sense.
Conversely, sometimes I might be staring at you because you did something that didn’t make sense to me at all. In this case, I’m probably paying closer attention because I’m wondering what impulse led you to do this strange thing.
- You caught me fixating.
INTJs are very cerebral and introspective people. They live in their own heads. That said, they can often fixate on a particular thought or topic for long periods of time. It’s easier to process these thoughts when we minimize other external input.
Staring helps us do that because we essentially block out other things that will take us down a whole other thought path.
In this case, usually, you are not what I’m staring at. You just happen to be in the path of my stare, 😂. Seriously, I could have been staring at a wall, and you strolled along in that direction. It’s understandable how weird and awkward that can be for other people, but to be honest, I’m really not thinking about you at the time.
- I was planning or processing my thoughts about something.
Again, it’s easier to process our thoughts when we’re not also having to process a bunch of external stimuli at the same time. That’s why introverts love quiet, low-populated places!
Our stare helps us focus inward on our thoughts versus what’s happening in the world around us. Our inner world gets pretty busy all on its own. It may not be a perfect system, but it’s something that works for us.
I might be staring because, in my mind, I’m in the middle of making a tough decision or planning for something. INTJs are famous for their planning skills, and they plan pretty much every aspect of their lives. Day-to-day tasks, future goals, conversations we need (but don’t want) to have, what we want to eat for dinner … everything is a plan.
- I was having big feelings and trying to sort them out.
This one is a biggie! It often happens in one-on-one or small group settings. Something happened that caused me to have a lot of big feelings, and I’m having a hard time dealing with them.
Dealing with feelings is not our strong suit. It’s uncomfortable and difficult for our logical brains to navigate. In this case, my stare means I’m trying to process my emotions and figure out how to communicate them. It could also mean my social battery is empty and I have no more energy for the conversation.
What An INTJ Thinks About The INTJ Stare
First, know that the INTJ stare is not necessarily an intentional thing that we do. That said, we recognize that it is a helpful tool to navigate our internal thoughts and feelings. However, we also recognize that it comes with pros and cons.
Pros of The INTJ Stare
- Pro: It’s a tool to help me block out the world.
We live in a pretty loud world, and the INTJ stare helps me escape from it while I figure things out. The INTJ stare is also a form of stress relief when things have gotten too emotionally intense or I need to recharge.
- Pro: It’s a shield against people who might want to talk.
I probably didn’t do it intentionally, but the benefit remains the same. The INTJ stare makes me look deep in thought, which is true. This sometimes causes people who approach me to reconsider interrupting my thoughts.
This typically only works on people who don’t know me very well. The people who know me have seen it before and know how to pull me out if they need to talk to me.
Cons of The INTJ Stare
- Con: It can sometimes be embarrassing, especially in social situations.
Did I mean to be staring at you? No. Did I mean to seem completely lost or otherwise disturbed by staring into empty space? No.
Did it happen? Yes. Was it embarrassing the moment I realized someone else noticed my blank stare, and is now staring back at me with a look of confusion? YES!
- Con: As focused as I can be, my INTJ stare can also give way to rabbit holes.
Remember those thought paths I mentioned? Well, sometimes they can get out of hand. Each new idea can produce a new thought path. One thought leads to another somewhat related thought, then to another, and another. And on and on until I find myself needing to pause to backtrack why I started thinking about something altogether.
Here’s a sample of how this might go:
In my head: What do I want to plan for dinner this week? >>> I would love some more of that soup I had at Sherry’s house. >>> She said she used veggies from her garden. >>> How much time does Sherry spend gardening? >>> Gardening seems fun and economical. >>> I should research more about gardening. >>> There’s a new community garden going up on the other side of town. >>> Crime has gotten really high over there. >>> This new policy isn’t going to help make it any better.
[At this point, I might stop staring at the table to look up at my friend who is reading a menu and completely unaware of this whole internal stream of thought.]
“Have you heard about that new West End crime policy?” [Friend stares at me, confused about how we went from discussing the menu to crime policy] 🤨
As you can see, in a matter of minutes, I went from pondering my meal plan for the week to analyzing the effectiveness of a local ordinance.
My friends and family have gotten so used to random (to them) questions that seemingly come out of nowhere that they don’t even bother asking questions anymore, such as how I landed on local ordinances from looking at a menu.
What To Do When Caught In An INTJ Stare?
You may be wondering what to do if you end up with an INTJ staring at you. Here are a few ideas that work for me:
Stare Back. One of the easiest, albeit slightly awkward, things to do is to stare back at me. You can even double down by waving or saying my name. It might seem a little strange, but it’s the best way to interrupt my internal thought process enough for me to realize I’m staring.
Be patient and supportive. If we’re having an intense or emotional conversation, I might be working through a lot in my head that I haven’t figured out how to share with you. Rushing me through this will only produce stress, not good communication. It’s much better to just be patient with me and allow me the space to work through my thoughts and emotions, or better yet, just pause the conversation for now.
Let me stare. As I mentioned before, sometimes it’s not about you at all. So just move and let me finish my thought journey. I’ll be back soon. 😊
Do Other Introvert Personality Types Stare?
Yes, I think so. However, INTJs hold the trophy for the most intense stare and the most often. I’ve even heard it called the INTJ gaze or the INTJ death stare. This is just part of how our logical minds work.
Closing Thoughts
The INTJ stare is a unique feature of an interesting introverted personality type. Similar to the INFJ door slam, it’s how INTJ personalities process their thoughts and feelings.
The best conclusion from this is that everyone has something that helps us process life and our own thoughts. This is just one example of how quiet types do so in a loud world. You don’t have to understand it, just respect it.
Oh, and try to remember the INTJ stare is not always about you, but if it is, it’s more of a compliment rather than unintentional rudeness. 😁🤭🫣
