The world can be frustrating for introverts but none more than the rarest introvert personality type, the INFJ. There’s rare, then there’s INFJ rare. INFJs make up 1.5% of the US population.
Black women who are INFJs are even more rare since Black women make up about 14% of women in the US. catalyst So if you are a Black woman introvert with an INFJ personality type, you truly are an introvert unicorn. 🦄
Being this unique is not a bad thing. However, for INFJs, it does make feeling understood even more of a challenge in a world that readily imposes stereotypes on Black women to begin with.
Fret not, Wallflower! Here we embrace all things introvert so you can learn more about navigating life with this rare personality type and enjoy doing it.
All You Need to Know About INFJ
Big picture: INFJ is one of 16 different personality types identified in the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator (MBTI). Half of these personality types are extroverted and the other half are introverted. The INFJ type is the world’s rarest personality type.
About half the general population are introverts and INFJs are a small portion of them. As I mentioned earlier, about 1.5% of people in the US have an INFJ personality type. At 56%, slightly more INFJs are female and 44% are male.
The Advocate and A Walking Contradiction
Largely due to their idealistic yet emotional nature, the INFJ personality is often called the “Advocate” or the “Counselor.” The letters describe this personality type as introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judging.
INFJs are the greatest living, breathing contradiction you’ll ever meet. They are both emotional and creative yet analytical and logical. They are strong idealists but let their emotions take the lead when making decisions.
The INFJ door slam is a perfect example of their contradictory nature. They will allow their emotions to lead in a relationship until they reach a point where they feel undervalued or unsafe. Then logic meets emotion leading to the door slam.
In addition to being a logical idealist and an emotional creative, INFJs are also a helper, compassionate, and organized. These INFJ personality traits often play out in beneficial ways but they can be challenging as well.
Beneficial Traits
| Idealist | INFJs hold deeply held beliefs about the world around them. They want the world to be a better place and will work toward making it so. |
| Analytical/Logical | INFJS are very good at synthesizing information and finding the best way forward. This proves to be an asset at work. |
| Helper | Like most introverts, INFJs prefer deep, meaningful relationships over casual acquaintances and chit-chat. One of the ways they show value to those they have meaningful relationships with is by being a helper. |
| Compassionate | INFJs are very good at reading others’ emotions and very sensitive to how they are feeling. This is especially true for those they are close to allowing them to show empathy for them. |
| Emotional/Creative | Creative thinking is part of everything INFJs do and, although they are logical, they lead with their emotions. INFJs especially lead with emotions when making decisions but maintain a firm grasp on reality. |
| Organized | Planning and organizing is their jam and they use these tools to make early and decisive choices. |
Challenging Traits
| Idealist | INFJs often have strong, and immovable, opinions of how the world and people should be. They can come off as judgmental or stubborn. This is because they have very high standards that sometimes create high expectations of others. |
| Analytical/Logical | It can be frustrating for INFJs to navigate illogical situations such as personal relationships or coworkers who don’t follow the same logic. |
| Helper | INFJs can sometimes get so busy helping others they forget to take time for themselves to recharge. |
| Compassionate | Although INFJs are very good at reading other people’s emotions, it can sometimes be difficult to sort out their own. |
| Emotional/Creative | Leading with emotion is not a bad thing. However, for INFJs, it can sometimes cloud logic in situations that require it such as setting healthy boundaries. |
| Organized | INFJs’ organized tendencies can sometimes be used as a means of control. |
Black Woman INFJ Superpowers
Some introvert personality traits, if left unchecked, can become extreme such as our joy of being alone. Yes, we absolutely need our alone time but too much alone time is not healthy for anyone.
However, many introvert traits are superpowers! My brown-girl introverts are no exception to this. Here are a few I see with black woman INFJs:
Community strength
Black women INFJs bring strength to their community. Being an emotional idealist means they are driven to make their communities the best they can be.
This is further fueled by the compassion they have for the injustices experienced by the Black community at large.
Motivator
Part of being the community’s strength is uplifting those within it. Black women INFJs are very good at this. The helper part of the INFJ personality aligns with uplifting others in the community.
Additionally, their creative and organized nature allows them to identify creative and effective ways of helping others.
Resilient
Although INFJs are emotional idealists, they have a firm grasp on reality. They recognize the world is seldom what they feel it should be; yet they remain committed to doing their part to make it better.
INFJ Brain Works
Let’s look a little closer at how the INFJ personality plays out cognitively. That’s my fancy word for how these letters reflect the way you think and behave.
Remember, INFJ, along with the other 15 personality traits identified by the MBTI, are based on Carl Jung’s 4 key psychological functions: thinking, feeling, sensation, and intuition.
All of these functions are either extroverted or introverted. INFJ stands for introverted intuition, feeling, and judging (which speaks to how you think).
Think of it as a salad. You add each letter in different amounts (vegetables) then top it with your individual style and preferences (dressing) and you’ve got a fresh, crisp personality type.
The letters are the salad ingredients and their different amounts are the strength in how they show up in your personality.
The Strongest Part of INFJ Personality
The “I” and the “N” together are the strongest part of the INFJ personality trait. They stand for introverted intuition. This means INFJs can be very focused on their internal thoughts.
They often will look inwardly to process external situations and decide what they feel about them. They can sometimes get tunnel vision on these thoughts and feelings making it difficult to accept that of others.
The 2nd Strongest Part of INFJ Personality
The “F” is the second strongest part and stands for extroverted feeling in INFJs. Surprised? Remember, I said INFJs are walking contradictions. However, even with that being true, there’s still an introverted nature to this part of their personality.
Extroverted feeling means they are very attuned to other people’s feelings which makes them very empathetic. Empathy and being observant enough to decipher the emotions of others are definitely introvert superpowers.
For INFJs, it means they take care to protect the feelings of others especially those they are closest to. INFJs sometimes get so focused on the needs of others that they ignore their own feelings.
The Lesser Parts of INFJ Personality
The lesser parts of INFJ are introverted thinking and extroverted sensing.
Introverted thinking means INFJs primarily make decisions based on their own thoughts or ideas about the situation.
If around other people or under stress, they will strongly consider how their decision impacts someone else’s feelings as well. But when alone, and given time to think, they will mostly lean on their own internal thoughts and intuition.
Extroverted sensing is the least prominent part of the INFJ personality but an important one. It means part of you can receive, and even enjoy, external stimuli – something introverts are not famous for.
For example, you may enjoy receiving external stimuli in the form of other people’s emotions, interacting with nature or art, or even being present in the moment vs. retreating to your inner world.
This lesser part of INFJ personality helps you stay connected with the world around you and embrace the present life you are living.
Notable INFJs
Some notable INFJs include Oprah Winfrey, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Atticus Finch (a character from “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee).
Navigating Life as an INFJ Black Woman
Here are some insights and tips for navigating life as a Black woman with an INFJ personality.
Oh, and by the way, my newsletter – Introvert Petals – is all about learning more about yourself, sharing tips on navigating life as a Black woman introvert, and having a few laughs while we do it.
Work/Career
INFJs are great assets on a team and they are natural leaders! You are a strategic thinker, an organized planner, and supportive of other teammates. Here are a few ways to let your personality shine at work or in your next career move:
Volunteer for leadership roles such as leading a team project. I know working with a bunch of people sounds like a tiring idea, but it would be well worth demonstrating your skills as a quiet leader.
You’ll find yourself well-suited to create a plan and keep the team’s progress on track while also celebrating their efforts and development.
Be a problem-solver. Your logical reasoning and empathetic nature make you adept at understanding what’s going on around you, and formulating ideas that include both fact and emotion. This leads to the type of unique perspective and strategic solutions most companies are looking for.
Try being an advocate. If your current work doesn’t involve advocating for others, consider finding a side hustle or volunteer opportunity that does. Find a cause or group of people you are passionate about and find creative ways to support policy, increase awareness, or garner support for this.
Introvert Petal
Black women quiet types are often seen as unqualified or dispassionate. Conversely, Black women who try to assert themselves at work are often seen as “aggressive.”
Demonstrate your strengths and find strategic ways to share them with grace and professionalism. Some ideas include one-on-ones with your boss, team meetings, speaking engagements, or sharing at conferences specific to your field. These also make for great personal growth opportunities.
Personal Relationships
Personal relationships can be challenging for INFJs because they often require navigating complex emotions – your own and someone else’s. Try these tips to nurture healthy, close relationships:
Friendships
Remember to set healthy boundaries. As a helper, you’ll want to be there for your close friends whenever they need you. However, it’s important to make time for yourself as well when you need to recharge. Be ok with saying no sometimes.
Extrovert friends are great but they are often encouraging pushing you to do things they like because it will “be good for you” or “get you out of your shell.” (🙄I’ve heard them all.)
Be open to some things but push encourage right back. Suggest quieter activities allowing them to do things based on your preferences.
Use what you know and like to make new friends. When it comes to making new friends, try meeting people while doing things you enjoy. You’ll avoid small talk because you’ll already have a shared interest to discuss.
Romantic Relationships
Navigating romantic relationships as an INFJ can be a bit trickier because they require navigating your feelings and someone else’s. Figuring out your own feelings is the harder part for INFJs in addition to the “startup” part of dating.
INFJs thrive in deep, meaningful relationships. However, getting to the deep and meaningful part requires small talk, awkwardness, and the other more shallow parts of meeting people you simply don’t care for. Here are some ways you can go about it.
Encourage simpler dates. When dating, try to encourage some simple dates like coffee or ice cream and a walk in the park. I know these sound unimpressive and maybe a bit corny but read me out.
The simpler the date, the more talking you’ll do. The more talking you do, the deeper you’ll get. Meaningful conversations are truly the best way to get to know someone and it will minimize the number of dates and phone calls 😱 you have to spend talking about celebrity news or the weather.
Introvert Petal
Black people, due to common stereotypes, are sometimes very consumed with appearing cool. Whatever that means! I challenge you, Wallflower, to be your true, authentic self despite popular trends. Embrace some corny in your life! I’ve seen many strong relationships start in the simplest ways and thrive for years.
Give yourself time to decide. I know I just suggested how to get to the “meaty” part of getting to know someone faster. However, that doesn’t mean you have to rush into a relationship too fast.
Give yourself time to decide how you feel about someone. Getting to know them doesn’t mean you feel compatible with them. Especially as an INFJ, it’s good to give yourself time to sort through your feelings about someone before jumping into commitment.
Conflict and Stress
Navigating conflict and stress is challenging for most people. Understanding the best way to go about it based on your personality gives you a strong footing to start. The rest will be based on the personality of who’s on the other side of the conflict. 😉
Give a little but not too much. INFJs are idealists and have strong opinions about things. Additionally, they are passionate about how they feel things should be and making them so. This presents a challenge when in conflict with someone who thinks differently than you.
My suggestion is to give a little bit – just enough to listen to their perspective and genuinely understand where they’re coming from. INFJs are excellent listeners and have high emotional intelligence. Use these strengths to your advantage.
Understanding them may not change your mind but it will at least help you to appreciate their point-of-view, which goes a long way with conflict resolution.
That said, INFJs also have a strong sense of protection for the feelings of those they care about. This often causes them to give in a little too much so, as you’re opening up to different perspectives, don’t feel obligated to agree for the sake of the other person.
Sometimes just understanding each other and why you disagree is all you need to resolve conflict.
Take time to recharge. Stress will impact you more when you are drained. As a fellow introvert, I know this firsthand! Make sure you take time to do things that will allow you to rest and recharge. Even taking a few moments in a busy day can have a positive impact on your mood.
Quiet types have to regularly balance their energy levels. So the next time you feel yourself needing to recharge, listen!
Hobbies and Interests
Exploring hobbies and other interests serves two purposes: growing by learning new things and providing an outlet from life’s stressors. INFJs do well to focus on the types of hobbies and interests that pique the creative and logical parts of their personality.
Stimulate both parts of your personality. Find a hobby that stimulates your logical and creative sides. INFJs are so rare because both these sides are often actively working together. It’s no surprise, then, that you would enjoy activities that require using both.
Alone and together. Activities or interests that involve parts you do alone as well as parts involving other people are great ways to balance your energy. Especially, when you can decide how much time you’d like to spend doing each.
Some great examples are going to church or joining a book club. You can sit alone in church for the message and worship portions, but join a small group or serving opportunity that allows you to interact with others. Similarly with book clubs – you read the book alone but come together to discuss it with others periodically.
Self-care for Black Women Who Are INFJs
Protect your comfort zone. For most introverts, our comfort zone is our home. We may have others but our home is the primary place where we find rest and quiet. Protecting this space from external stimuli is crucial for introverts, especially Black women introverts.
Black women – often seen as nurturers – have an expectation that their homes are always open and welcoming. Especially when it comes to family. Unfortunately, family are also the folks who don’t know when to leave!
Before you get to the point of throwing people out like Martin, 😂 try a couple of things first.
Before having people over, be upfront about how long you’re having company and what time the gathering ends. If left open, people will assume it’s open.
Use your logical and creative side to come up with some clever and strategic ways of signaling to people it’s time to go.
The signal could be as simple as cleaning up or using a few key phrases such as, “Man, I have to get up so early tomorrow.” Sounds funny but people eventually get the message.
Have a creative outlet. Having a creative outlet is a great way to recharge. It allows you to quiet your thoughts and give your mind a rest. Ideally, something you can do with your hands is good for this.
Give journaling a try. Journaling is a calm way of processing your emotions and a place to dump all the things in your brain so they don’t continue running laps around your mind.
This type of mental marathon is draining and part of the reason introverts need to recharge.
We do this every day all day. Additionally, Black women introverts have an added layer of constantly navigating our way through spaces that are filled with stigmas and stereotypes and are unwelcoming (or at times downright hostile).
Furthermore, journaling is a good thing particularly for Black women INFJs because they spend a lot of time processing others’ emotions as much as their own.
Closing Thoughts
INFJs are a complex and mysterious bunch. Their use of logic and intuition makes them a rare type. Black women INFJs are even rarer and have cultural nuances that heighten the unique traits of this personality type.
I hope this article sheds some light on navigating life as an INFJ. Understanding yourself is part of living your best introvert life and that’s what I want for you, Wallflower.
If you’ve signed up for my weekly newsletter for Black women introverts, reply and let me know how these tips have worked for you.
Common Questions
Is INFJ really that rare?
Yes. Only about 1.5% of the US population has this personality type. An even smaller percentage of that are Black women.
Why are INFJs so special?
INFJs are special because they are walking contradictions. They fully use logic and intuition to process information and make decisions. Most people primarily use one or the other.
What are the top 3 rarest personalities?
The top 3 rarest personality traits are INFJ, ENTJ, and ISTJ.
Is INFJ the most powerful?
If by powerful you mean the ability to fully embrace and make use of different parts of their personality, then that could be true. However, I believe all introverts have superpowers – just sayin’.
