Such a small word with such a huge impact. It’s hard for people to say no. Even when you really, really should say no. Introverts saying no is especially tough.
But it’s also really important. If we don’t learn to say no, our energy will be off balance. It affects our relationships, and it can even cause unnecessary anxiety.
Trust me, you’re not the only one that has a hard time saying no. I’ve had to practice and practice and practice some more. So, with all my practice, I’ll share some things I’ve learned along the way. But first, let’s start with why saying no is a good thing.
Why Introverts Saying No Is A Good Thing
Although we love to feel included in social gatherings and social events, sometimes we’ve just reached our people quota and need a break. It’s important to be honest about that. This is why introverts saying no is a good thing.
We need to balance our energy so that we have enough left to give to those that we care about (including ourselves). It doesn’t mean that you should always say no.
It’s often worthwhile to come out of our comfort zones and spend time with others. But sometimes we just need a break to recharge and do one of our favorite energy-boosting activities … alone.
Knowing how to say no is the best way to maintain balance, healthy boundaries, and a positive state of mind for introverts.
Why Introverts Saying No Is A Hard Thing
I know, I know. Just ‘cause saying no is a good thing, doesn’t mean it’s an easy thing. It’s hard to say no, especially for introverts because we tend to overthink.
We routinely imagine someone’s response to our saying no as something just short of a catastrophic event. This starts us stressing out before we even have the conversation.
This is especially true for women introverts because, due to societal norms and gender roles and all kinds of other stuff, most of us tend to be a people pleaser.
Couple that with the introvert tendency to overthink our responses and sometimes we’ll say yes even when we don’t mean it at all, especially when it comes to social interactions.
This only leads to regret and resentment for those who invited us in the first place. Here’s a great place to talk about when saying no is the best thing.
Knowing When to Say No
Like small talk, saying no doesn’t always come easy to us. And if that’s true, it can be hard to know when you really need to say no. And for introverts, part of maintaining our mental health is balancing our energy needs from day to day.
When we don’t do that, a lot of other things can feel off. Here are three ways to know when it’s time to say no.
- Your irritability is on 10. If it seems everything people around you say or do is rubbing you the wrong way, you may be feeling tired or overwhelmed. It’s time to take a break, wallflower.
Say no and go do something that gives you an energy boost. Even if it’s a nap. 😴 Even simple interactions that might seem kind of fun won’t be if you’re snapping at all your extroverted friends the whole time. - You’re dreading the event. If you’re dreading going to whatever you’ve been invited to, that might be a hint and a half that you’re really not feeling it. Social functions come with a lot of pressure sometimes.
Remember, being a good friend doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs. Use the tips below to say no or reschedule. - You’re looking for an escape. Similarly, if you find yourself searching for an excuse as to why you couldn’t make it, maybe it’s time to call it.
It’s better to let people know in advance if you need alone time than to stand them up, particularly with new friends who are still getting to know you.
You want them to know how amazing having an introverted friend is not buy into inaccurate stereotypes.
Introvert Petal
Avoiding new social situations simply because it’s new or different is not the same as needing to recharge. Introverts are great at staying in their bubble of familiarity.
I encourage you to step outside of this sometimes because a life without new experiences is boring and isolating.
Plus, you could miss out on some great opportunities or personal growth. It doesn’t have to be often but new experiences once in a while are healthy.
Now you know when to say no, but how? Fret not, my quiet friend. If I can learn to say no, so can you. Here are a few ways to go about it.
5 Tips for Introverts Saying No
The next time you need to say no, give one of these tips a try. I’ve even included a few helpful phrases you can use to prepare. Feel free to use them as is or tweak them to sound more like your own voice.
1. Acknowledge Inclusion
The first tip is to acknowledge this is a person who thought enough of you to include you in their plans or guest list. Simply thank them for thinking of you and let them know how much you appreciate being invited. This gives a much softer lead-up to saying no.
Example Phrases
“Thanks for thinking of me. It sounds like fun but I won’t be able to make it. Maybe next time.”
“Thank you for the invite. I already have plans that day but I hope everything goes well. Tell everyone I said hi.”
Now, I can feel some of you getting tight at the mere idea of lying. But, remember, needing some quiet time is a good reason for introverts to say no. Your other plans may be to sit at home reading or binging a new show on Netflix.
Plans with yourself still count as having plans.
2. Delay Your Response
Just because you received an invitation doesn’t mean you have to say yes or no right away. Nowadays, everyone is used to immediate responses to everything. However, you can absolutely set your own pace for things.
So take your time and think about whether you want to say yes or no. If it’s no, you’ll have time to think through how and what you want to say.
This tip is helpful if, like most fellow introverts, you don’t do well trying to organize your thoughts on the fly.
Additionally, an important note for this tip is to actually get back to them and not leave people hanging for too long. You want to take your time but not seem like a flake. 😕
Example Phrases
“Oh, cool. I need to check on some things first. Let me get back to you in a day or two.”
“That sounds nice. I have a lot going on right now. Can I let you know?”
3. Suggest An Alternative
This tip works well when it’s someone you have a close relationship with such as close friends or family members. You may want to see them but it’s just bad timing, or you prefer not to do so in a large group.
Contrary to what our beloved extroverts think, doing stuff with large groups of people isn’t the only way to have a good time. And your true friends will understand that. Even the most social introverts need quiet time now and again.
So for those you’re close with, suggest another time and/or activity that just the two of you can do together as a different way to spend time with them.
Example Phrases
“Hanging with the group is always fun but I’m feeling a little tired. Let’s get brunch on Sunday to catch up.”
“I’m sure y’all will have a lot of fun but I’ll have to skip this time. Why don’t you come by next weekend so we can watch more of our show.”
4. Be Honest
Introverts saying no is part of our self-care and an important personality trait. A lot of people may not get it but it’s nothing you have to feel guilty about.
That’s why honesty is definitely on this list of tips. Particularly, when saying no to people you’re close with – they need to understand you and why you need your alone time.
Example Phrases
“I’ve had a very busy week and I’m starting to feel it. I could really use some alone time to recharge. How about we reconnect next week?”
“I enjoy doing that with you but I need some introvert time.”
5. Practice, Practice, Practice
Last but not least – practice, practice, practice. For most introverts, anything that seems even a little bit confrontational can be overwhelming.
The first step in minimizing this is practice. Practicing how you want to say no will give you peace and confidence as you approach a conversation with someone.
Closing Thoughts
No, Nope, Nah, ah ah, I can’t, Sorry, I’m good, Pass
There’s a little practice for you already. 😉 As an introvert, saying no is a skill you must develop. Abandon any guilt you feel and see it as a form of self-care instead.
Use these tips and create your own go-to phrases that you can use the next time you need to say no. And the next time you do need to say no, try out this weekend checklist for introverts to really enjoy your alone time.
