My body was sore the next day. My head was throbbing. I felt like I would never want to see or talk to another living soul for the rest of my life. I was in the middle of an introvert hangover!
An introvert hangover is the aftermath of an introvert being overstimulated by a recent social experience.
For me, it came after a full day of socializing at a family get-together, followed by dinner and games at a friend’s house. Your girl was done!
I didn’t learn what an introvert hangover was until well after I’d already had several of them. No one ever told me this was a real thing, and one I didn’t have to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
I don’t want any wallflowers to have to wait as long as I did to understand what’s happening and how to deal with it.
What is an Introvert Hangover?
Introvert hangovers occur when an introvert has been overstimulated by one or multiple social interactions. It can produce mental, emotional, and physical symptoms.
Most introverts downplay it or blame something else. Once you know the signs, you’ll be much better prepared to practice the self-care necessary for recovery. Recovery is key, especially if you want to participate meaningfully in any upcoming social events.
Creating a recovery plan that works for you starts with knowing how an introvert hangover starts.
What Causes an Introvert Hangover?
Generally, an introvert hangover is connected to brain chemistry. Social interactions produce a neurotransmitter called dopamine.
Extroverts have a more active dopamine reward system, so when it’s released in their brains in social settings, it gives them energy and helps them socialize for a long time.
Introverts, on the other hand, are highly sensitive to dopamine. When dopamine is released in their brains, it produces a much more intense impact on their body, leading to the symptoms of an introvert hangover.
Here are the most common types of social situations that cause an introvert hangover:
Excessive Socializing
Excessive socializing occurs when several social experiences are compounded because they are closely timed together. This is typically within the same day or a few days within the same week.
This usually occurs when you haven’t been mindful of your social battery limits or you have several mandatory events that fall back-to-back.
Overstimulation
Overstimulation happens when you’re at one big event. I can easily become overstimulated at big events that are really loud and crowded, such as concerts or festivals.
These types of events require a big burst of social energy plus the mental energy of navigating such an event. Add in having your kids with you at something like that, and watch out, introvert burnout could definitely be on its way.
Intense Socializing
Intense socializing happens when you’re participating in social activities that require a lot of direct engagement. Examples of intense socializing that drain my energy include work conferences and arguments.
Any emotionally charged interaction would require intense socializing, especially for my INTJ and INFJ wallflowers. 🤗
These types of social settings can easily produce the signs and symptoms of an introvert hangover. It’s a real thing, and here’s what you need to look out for if you’ve been socializing in any of the ways above.
Signs and Symptoms of an Introvert Hangover
The signs and symptoms of an introvert hangover can start the same day of your social experience or the next day. In some cases, they start the same day and continue into the next day. They are physical, mental, and emotional cues that your mind and body need recovery time after your most recent socializing.
Here are 10 signs and symptoms you’re in the throes of an introvert hangover.
1. Irritability
Seemingly small things start to bother you, and you have little patience for other people or tasks. This includes things that would normally be routine for you. I may or may not have found myself throwing an item or two from my desk before realizing I was socially hungover. I mean, really, that pen didn’t deserve that. 🤦🏾♀️
2. Absentmindedness
You might forget a lot of things or have a tough time recalling information. I’m a little bit on the clumsy side, so in addition to absentmindedness, I also tend to find my klutziness is ramped up during an introvert hangover.
3. Trouble Focusing
This one is somewhat related to absentmindedness. You might find it hard to focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds. Or, you’ll drift off in conversation and forget your train of thought. And I mean repeatedly, not just the occasional amount that happens to everyone when we’re distracted.
4. Trouble Communicating
It can be difficult to get your words out or communicate a clear thought. Your brain is tired, so trying to organize your thoughts and translate them into words (which introverts are typically very good at) is challenging.
5. Sadness
Feeling sad without a reason why is a possible symptom of an introvert hangover. It’s like you just have the blues, as they say. I think it’s just another way your body is trying to get you to slow down.
Introvert Petal
This is not to be confused with signs of depression. If you’re feelings of sadness worsen or continue for multiple days, please talk with someone and seek help from a counselor.
6. Negative Self-Talk
This is often connected to feelings of sadness. You may begin to question why you are the way you are or why things like this happen to you. Introverts have beautiful and complex minds that, if left unchecked during a hangover, can produce unhealthy thoughts about their personality.
It’s important to reaffirm how wonderful your quiet nature is and the way you process social energy.
7. Seeking Solitude
This is a desperate desire to be by yourself. All you want is to be left alone. You wish you could shout it from the rooftops. When this sign of an introvert hangover hits, your mind and body are seeking rest. You need a break from the energy it requires to engage with others.
At this point, you would love to be able to retreat to your comfort zone, which for many of us is our home. However, if that’s not possible, you’ll find yourself looking for the nearest corner or social hiding spot.
8. Grumpiness
There’s no surprise that when your energy is in short supply, so is your patience. That often plays out in being very grumpy with those around you. Yes, sadly, this tends to be mostly directed at the people closest to you.
I think this is mostly because they are the ones you interact with the most. It’s easy to simply avoid people you’re not required to engage with. It’s not so easy to avoid people like your spouse or children.
9. Fatigue
Fatigue is one of the most notable signs of an introvert hangover. In my experience, it feels like I ran a marathon. I feel completely drained. It may seem surprising, but it’s similar to the fatigue you’d feel after driving a car for a long distance – you may be just sitting there, but your mind is doing a lot of work. And the physical exhaustion is your body’s way of telling you to rest.
10. Physical Discomfort
An introvert hangover can physically affect you in more ways than fatigue. Other physical signs of an introvert hangover include a headache and body aches. I can attest to having experienced this myself.
There have been times when I thought I was coming down with a cold or my seasonal allergies might be flaring up. When, truly, I was in the middle of an introvert hangover and just needed some quiet and rest.
Now you know the signs and symptoms of an introvert hangover, but what to do about it? How do you recover from an introvert hangover once you realize you’re in one??
Recovery Strategies for an Introvert Hangover
Self-Care
Self-care is critical to introvert hangover recovery. The other strategies you’ll read here are all connected to taking time to take care of yourself. The best way to prioritize self-care is to think of things that allow your mind to rest and require minimal socializing. This gives your body the opportunity to recharge its energy levels.
Quiet, Alone Time
The easiest way to allow your mind and body to rest is by getting some alone time and not talking. Every introvert craves this, but it becomes particularly important when experiencing an introvert hangover. If you live a busy life or have responsibilities like work and kids, you may want to schedule your alone time to make sure it happens.
Rest and Sleep
A common misconception is that rest and sleep are the same thing. They are different, but both are important. Sleep is sleep. It’s one way you can replenish your energy, such as taking a nap. You just have to be careful not to sleep excessively because that could have the opposite effect.
Rest doesn’t involve sleeping necessarily. Resting means taking the time and space to slow down and relax. The goal is to relax your mind and body in a way that doesn’t require a heavy mental load. Common examples include reading, yoga, and “vegging out” with some music, a good book, or a Netflix binge.
Decision Pause
Part of what creates the social fatigue an introvert feels from socializing is the constant inner discourse about what to say and do in a social setting. Pair that with the numerous decisions we have to make daily, and it’s enough to wear anyone out, especially an introvert.
You want to give your brain a break? Press pause on making decisions for anything more than which snacks to eat. 😂
Digital Detox
We’re living in a digital age. There are very few things we do that don’t involve some type of digital device, an app, or social media. About 4 in 10 US adults say they are online almost constantly. This is so true that we don’t often consider how much it’s affecting our energy and stress levels.
Do yourself a favor and take a break from digital tools and screens. I’m not naive enough to think that’s an easy ask, but it doesn’t take much time to make a difference. If you can manage just a couple of hours, even that would be beneficial.
Healthy Life
Leading a healthy life by eating healthy, staying active, and getting a good amount of sleep is a preventive recovery strategy. It helps to make sure your mind and body are in good shape to handle an introvert hangover when one hits you.
Healthy Boundaries
Having healthy boundaries is fundamentally important for introverts. You have to know how and when to say no, Wallflower. An important time to use this skill is when you’re having a social hangover.
Prioritizing the time you need for recovery may mean saying no to spending time on other things or people.
These are all reliable strategies to use when recovering from an introvert hangover. However, the best strategy is to plan for it in advance.
How to Create Your Introvert Hangover Recovery Plan
Step 1: Embrace Who You Are
You are a wonderfully complex and attractive quiet type. Embrace your introverted personality type and be kind to yourself. It’s easy to get frustrated with yourself when reacting in a way you may not want to.
That’s why the first part of your introvert hangover recovery plan is to accept that this is what’s happening instead of forcing yourself to behave in a way your mind and body are not equipped to at the moment.
Step 2: Communicate Your Need
Communication is key when you’re recovering to prevent a bunch of unwanted calls and texts, or so you don’t have to keep reassuring people that you’re fine. It’s also important to let those close to you know recovery time is something you need to be your best self.
Keep it simple by letting key people know you’re taking a recovery day and you may be radio silent. You’re the best to judge who those key people are – a close friend, a parent, etc. Anyone with whom you speak daily or who might wonder why they haven’t heard from you.
For women with a spouse and/or children who live with you, try using a special word or phrase to let them know you’re taking some quiet time today.
Step 3: Create Your Bubble
Creating a bubble means taking steps to maintain your quiet space while recovering. You can plan for this by letting people know in advance, as in step 2, and by getting any necessary resources.
What resources you need depend on how you plan to spend your recovery time. Maybe it’s your favorite foods, so you don’t have to go out. It could also include other things, such as charging your earbuds if you’ll be recovering with people around, or packing a backpack if you’re planning a recovery that involves being quietly active, such as a solo hike.
Step 4: Plan Your Activities
When you’re a busy person, nothing’s worse than having time set aside for yourself, then wasting half of it trying to decide and plan what to do. That’s why it’s a good idea to have some ideas in mind that are easy to do without much planning.
Make a simple list of go-to things that you like to do when you want to get away from people for a while and allow your mind time to rest. Even if it’s simple things, like ‘watch my favorite movie.’ Having a prepared list helps with minimizing decision fatigue. Just remember to keep it loose so you have room to be flexible if you decide to change your mind.
Step 5: Plan for Future Events
It is very rare that introverts end up in unexpected social events. Typically, if we do, we leave. 😂
So, when you know you have a social engagement coming up that will be excessive, overstimulating, or intense, go ahead and plan for your recovery time afterward. For example, if you’re event is on a Saturday, block off Sunday afternoon and let your people know you’re in for the day.
Pull out your list of activities and decide how you want to spend that time, then make sure you have everything you need for it. Trust me! Your hungover self will thank you for this preparation.
Now, you know everything there is to know about introvert hangovers and what to do about them. The only thing missing is how to prevent them.
Tips to Prevent an Introvert Hangover
Unfortunately, an introvert hangover may be unavoidable sometimes. For example, there are life events that we won’t want to miss even though we know they will be draining. Weddings and family reunions, for example.
Although you should absolutely have your recovery plan ready to go, preventing an introvert hangover if possible is preferable. Here are a few simple tips for preventing an introvert hangover.
Learn to Say No
This is related to having healthy boundaries. With very social events, there’s often an opportunity to extend the socializing. (Usually led by your extroverted friends 🙄) When the opportunity arises, here’s your opportunity to practice saying no.
Afterparty, you say? No, thanks! Impromptu bowling with the cousins after the whole-day reunion. Hmm… Nah. Next time, maybe.
As long as you can stand strong through the teasing and insistence, you’ll be on your way to your comfort zone soon. You got this!
Have One-On-Ones
Instead of trying to navigate a large group, talk to people one-on-one. You’ll save your energy and leave having had way more meaningful connections than trying to double-dutch your way into a conversation with a bunch of loud voices.
Take Breaks
After you’ve been there for a while, take a break by stepping outside, sitting in your car, or finding a quiet corner. If things get desperate, you can always use the phone fakeout. You know what I mean – using your phone as a shield when you’re not really talking to or texting anyone. 😉
Leave When You Need To
It’s totally acceptable to call it when you need to leave. And you shouldn’t feel bad about it. It’s just about balance. Stay long enough to have a good time and sufficiently socialize with everyone. And when you’re tired, you leave.
I’d say give yourself a goal. For example, “I’m going to stay at least 2 hours. Anything after that – no promises!”
Have an Anti-Awkward Excuse Ready
On the topic of leaving, introverts are notorious for the Irish exit – leaving without anyone knowing. Avoid this because it only makes it awkward. Instead, have an exit excuse ready for when you need to leave. While I don’t necessarily encourage lying, your excuse can be whatever you want it to be. My new favorite is I have to go let my dog out. 😁
Closing Thoughts
Introvert hangovers are real, and don’t let anybody tell you different. Now, you know what signs and symptoms to look for, how to plan for an introvert hangover, and how to prevent one.
Knowing this and putting these practices into action has made a big difference for me. All introverts can benefit from this information. So, share this with your other introvert friends and watch the ah-ha expression form on their face.
