I love the holidays! It’s my favorite time of year. Weatherwise, summer is my favorite. However, there is something special about the vibes I get around the holiday season. And introvert holiday vibes are something special altogether.
I’m not alone in this. Most introverts like the holidays. It’s all the stuff that comes with it that’s challenging. That’s why I’m sharing how this quiet black girl learned to survive the holidays.
The holiday experience has changed through many phases of my life. From being a quiet child, before I even knew what introversion was, to being an adult with personal and professional relationships. Even now being a wife and mother is a whole different experience during the holidays.
Plus, black family holidays are definitely an experience all on their own. I may be biased because this is my only holiday experience. Not that I never spend time around people who are different than me but, the most meaningful times have been with my family and close friends. And these times have become cherished memories.
That said, black families can sometimes be a lot in the most beautiful way. 😂 Let’s just say … there’s a high energy demand.
Especially for black women. We carry the weight of our personal relationships and the expectations and judgments of the world around us. The emotional energy this requires is a lot, sis!
That’s why the most important part of my introvert holiday survival guide is taking care of yourself. But without further ado, let’s get into it.
Introvert Holiday Survival Guide
This introvert holiday guide is a practical approach to enjoying the holidays like an introvert boss. The guide includes realistic, everyday tips to go through the holidays with peace, joy, and most importantly your sanity. 😊
Prioritizing Your Time
Let’s start by talking about your time. Something that seems to be in very short supply as we head into this busy season.
Everyone has something they want you to do or somewhere they want you to be. And it’s all sooo important that you be there. Right? Wrong.
Have you ever heard the phrase ‘if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority’? Everyone around you will think their thing should be a priority for you.
It’s up to you, Wallflower, to be intentional about how you spend your time and energy.
Navigating Parties and Gatherings
The socialization part of the holidays is probably the most difficult for quiet types. However, social events are inevitable this time of year so, you may as well get ahead of it.
This way you can connect with people in a way that works for you. I have some introvert-friendly ways to plan your own party and tips on navigating the “have-to-go” parties.
Side note: have-to-go parties wouldn’t be a thing in an introvert-only world, lol.
Taking Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself is key, my friend. You cannot show up for others if you don’t take care of yourself.
As things start getting busy and your time and energy are more in demand, make sure you are intentional about including ways to find peace and rest during the holiday season.
9 Tips for Introvert Holiday Survival
The three points above are the primary areas of surviving an introvert holiday season. This list of tips is organized based on those three areas with some bonus tips at the end.
So, take what works for you and share what might work for someone else.
Your time is precious and finite.
I was drowning last year around this time in all the things other people wanted me to do and the places they wanted me to be.
On the one hand, this is a blessing because there are people in my life who care about me, and enjoy spending time with me. On the other hand, it was also very overwhelming.
I realized I had to take back control of my time. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to show up for anyone else anyway.
Don’t let this busy and demanding season run away with you. Make sure you prioritize your time so it works for you, not just everyone else.
I don’t mean to ignore everything else but you should be seeking balance. It’s important to feel like you own your time and are using it in a healthy way.
Here are a few ways to do that:
1. Be intentional about your time.
Do a weekly or monthly time review. Allot time for what you need to do and where you need to go for that week or month. Include things like work and doctor’s appointments.
Then make sure to include time for family, prayer, and self-care/recharging. Filter in everything else based on importance.
Once your time for the week or month is full, what doesn’t fit just doesn’t fit. Move it or lose it.
2. Do a self-assessment.
Ask yourself if you’re making the memories you want or just contributing to other people’s memories.
If the answer is no, then change how you go about divvying your time and energy. Make a checklist of things you want to do during the fall and holidays.
Then include those things in your calendar. Make this part of your weekly or monthly review.
3. Use the Eisenhower Matrix.
The Eisenhower matrix helps you prioritize by using a simple 2×2 grid of what’s important vs what’s urgent.
I made an adapted version to help you think through this. It includes what’s important to you vs others and whether it’s something that needs to be done right away or if you have time to get to it later.
Make decisions on each task based on where it falls in the matrix such as do it now or schedule it for later.

Party your own way.
There are times when introverts actually do enjoy social gatherings. Yes, believe it or not, introverts do like to party sometimes.
We just need to limit our time in social situations and, if possible, do it our own way. The holidays are a great time for connecting with others but, who says you have to do it like the extroverts!?
Here are a few ways to have a holiday party like an introvert:
4. Have a floating party.
In a floating party, guests can come and go as they please during a set time range that you give.
They can drop in for the whole time or just 10 minutes. There’s no pressure to stay long and an early exit isn’t considered rude.
You don’t even have to show up on time as long as it’s within the party’s time range.
A key part of hosting a floating party is to make sure you have enough food for the entire time and activities that are easy to start and stop.
The benefit of this kind of party is not having to deal with a large crowd all at once. Plus, you may even end up with chunks of time when there are no people at all depending on how many you invite.
The downside of a floating party is the potential to have someone who doesn’t know how to leave when you’ve reached the end of the time range. There are always those 1 or 2 people who think y’all are cool enough for them to just hang indefinitely. 🙄
Hopefully, friends who know you well enough will know you’re ready for solo time after this. Your fellow introverts certainly will.
5. Segment the party.
Everyone is invited to be there for the same amount of time during a segmented party, per usual. This is more something you do in preparation for the party.
You intentionally plan what will happen during each part of the event. A lot of people do this generally for parties. However, for you, Wallflower, your focus is being intentional about the party’s energy flow.
Make sure the party is gradually moving from a more upbeat, engaging pace to a slower, wind-down pace. You do this with different natural and subtle cues such as the type of activities, music, and even lighting you transition to at different points.
Hint: this happens almost organically with outdoor parties as it starts to get dark.
6. Keep it small and quiet.
This is probably the simplest way to have an introvert party. Keep it small and quiet from the start by only inviting fewer people. I would say no more than 5.
Then do something lowkey such as a movie night, a cookie exchange, or a wine and wrap party (wrapping gifts together but with wine 😁).
You could also make it easier by having it somewhere else or making it an outing you all do together instead. Outings are easier to do with a small group and the fall/holiday season presents a lot of opportunities for this.
Be kind to yourself.
The holidays are a time of joy and fun. This time is filled with opportunities to show love and gratitude to others.
It can also be an overwhelming time of year, especially an introvert holiday season. That’s why, as I mentioned earlier, one of the most important things to do during this time is to be kind to yourself.
As you prioritize your time, make sure some of it is spent on finding peace and rest. This is important, Wallflower. However, it doesn’t have to be complicated.
Here are some simple ways to find peace and rest during the holiday season:
7. Do one thing each day.
Find one little thing you can do for yourself and no one else every day.
It can be something simple like 10 minutes to enjoy your favorite holiday drink, listen to Christmas music on blast in the car, or take a long walk if you have time. This is also a great way to balance your energy levels each day.
8. Give yourself a bedtime.
Give yourself a bedtime to make sure you’re getting enough rest. And don’t forget to include time to wind down before going to sleep.
Things that allow your mind and body to relax before sleeping are great for winding down before bed. This is especially true for people like us who have very busy minds.
Try things like reading, yoga, or even watching your favorite old-school TV show. I’m an I Love Lucy Fan. 😉
Note: experts found keeping your TV on all night can inhibit good sleep so if you use this last one, make sure you set a sleep timer on your TV so it’s not on all night.
9. Exercise.
It may sound counterintuitive to rest but having a healthy body leads to healthy sleep. And staying active is key to being healthy – even if it’s just a daily, short walk or stretching. So keep your body moving, Wallflower!
Bonus Tips: Navigating Family and Coworker Parties
I’m adding these bonus tips because social obligations are real and sometimes you just gotta go. Doing it your own way is ideal but sometimes you have to show your face at parties you already know will be extroversion on display.
Sure, nothing horrible will happen if you don’t go but the social pressure to be there is real! Family gatherings and office parties are the main types of gatherings that fall into this category. Especially family dinners – ‘cause you know family will talk about you. 😂
So, for those have-to-go parties, here are a few ways to show up like a seasoned wallflower.
A. Give Yourself a Time Limit
Start with a minimum amount of time that would be acceptable to your friends and family. That’s your goal! Then decide how long you want to be there (or how long you have energy for) thereafter.
Once you’ve hit your goal, be casual about leaving. Make sure you speak to any key people and have an “exit reason” prepared. Your exit reason can be whatever makes sense to those you’re around.
One caveat: this works really well for work parties but fam may call you out. So, make sure it’s a good reason they’ll let you slide on. I’m not saying lie but you may need to get a little stretchy with the truth. 🫣
B. Be a Happy Wallflower
Embrace your happy wallflower nature by alternating socializing and quiet time. Socialize for a few minutes (or however long you’re comfortable with), then find some low-interaction areas to retreat to.
Don’t overthink it. A quiet room, a corner, or even a wall or solo chair will work when you need a break. Maybe even step outside for some fresh air, weather permitting.
Once you’ve had enough recharge time, return to socializing. This method may help you to stay a little longer without getting burnt out.
C. Prepare in Advance
Prep for a party by making sure you get enough rest the night before (or the day of if you have time for a nap).
Also, for work parties, have some talking points ready. This way, if you can’t escape small talk, talking points will minimize the awkwardness of chit-chat. Hopefully, it will make it a little more interesting for you too.
Pro tip: use open-ended questions. This will allow the other person to do most of the talking. Just make sure you don’t drift off as they are. It’s really embarrassing to admit you weren’t listening when they ask you a question related to your talking point.
For family parties, plan to participate just enough to be included without being rude. Play a couple of games, tell a couple of stories, and you’re set to take a more relaxed approach for the rest of the event.
Have a couple of good stories to tell on deck, and decide on a couple of games or activities you know your family tends to get into on most occasions.
This way if you’re not up for the neverending game of spades, you can opt out with no guilt or peer family pressure. 😂
D. Avoid the Irish Exit
One more bonus recommendation: avoid the Irish exit. If you haven’t heard of this – although I’m sure you’ve done it – it’s when someone leaves quietly and abruptly without saying goodbye.
Introverts are brilliant at this! When we decide it’s time to go, we leave. And our aloof nature sometimes causes us to forget or avoid a long, drawn-out goodbye.
Admittedly, I much prefer a smooth walkaway to a 20-minute, hug everybody and say bye 10 times sort of leave.
However, in these particular types of gatherings, an Irish-style exit tends to be noticed more than you would like.
A few more thoughts about introvert holiday survival.
Here are a few more thoughts I wanted to touch on. These are important perspectives that are often overlooked.
A special note about moms. Moms carry a lot of the holiday season’s weight. Being a mom is rewarding but it can also be very isolating. The holidays often amplify this feeling.
Especially for introvert moms who have high demands on their energy at this time of year. It comes from their children, their spouses, and all the other people in their lives.
So, my dear introvert mom, be sure to take care of yourself. Be intentional about scheduling your rest time and whatever else helps you find moments of peace. This will help you minimize holiday stress and truly enjoy the holiday season not just survive it.
A special note about people who are alone, alone. I’m talking about introverts who enjoy being alone but may have a little too much of it, especially during the holidays.
Too much alone time is not good for your mental health. Yes, Wallflower, even us introverts need some people connection.
So, if you start feeling like you’re watching the holidays go by instead of enjoying them, reach out. Start by connecting with a family member or friend, and schedule small opportunities to connect with them.
Closing Thoughts
I know. A lot of this introvert holiday survival guide is about managing time with people. But the new year has something just for us to look forward to. World Introvert Day is celebrated on January 2nd every year!
Yup, it’s a thing. So, after all the holiday socializing and busyness, make sure you take time to celebrate World Introvert Day the way you want to. Close your doors, put your phone on do not disturb, and introvert to your heart’s content.
Think of it as an introvert recovery day. 😂 I know this guide will be helpful to you this holiday season. I share a lot of other thoughts and tips on living your best introvert life in my newsletter – Introvert Petals – so be sure to subscribe.
Common Questions
Why are holidays hard for introverts?
Holidays are hard for introverts because holidays come with a high energy demand. The holiday season includes a lot of socializing on top of what is already a very busy time of year.
Introverts, who are much more sensitive to external stimuli, have to be intentional about finding quiet time to recharge.
What day is national introvert day?
World Introvert Day is celebrated every year on January 2nd. It’s a day for introverts to take time for quiet, relaxation, and alone time to recharge their batteries after the busy (and very social) holiday season.
How do you celebrate introvert day?
The best way to celebrate World Introvert Day is by showing an introvert in your life how much you appreciate them. A great way to appreciate your introvert is by doing something that honors their personality type and speaks to their quiet nature.